Episode 297: Mascara Runs
Vinyl record grooves, The Flaccid and the Furious, horny goat weed, White Van Scam, ranch sauce, your wife has been kidnapped, Caesar salad, your AI existence, alcoholic dog now sober, offensive shirt at Walmart, Resident Evil 4 upskirt, 18,000 cows, cocaine hippo hit by SUV, Apple store robbed, Fabrizio, Japanese fight festival, man buys coffee but gets latte, Least Attractive Prefecture
Pre-show
F–k Dungeon
Rebel Wilson Tribute
A Facef–k to Remember
Double X Quantimino
Groove
The Flaccid and the Furious
Horny goat weed
Booba Gettz spotted in the wild in Arthur’s Nextdoor feed: ‘SCAM: Watch out for the “White Van Speaker Scam” in the area. A guy pumping gas next to me, at Exxon, almost fell for it. The scammer was in a white truck “selling” a home entertainment system.’
Ranch
“Your wife has been kidnapped and is being held in a location 30 mins away. You’re driving to rescue her. It’s a warm night and your windows are down. Do you listen to music on the drive there yes or no”
Plug In & Hate – What I Had For Lunch: Caesar salad
What if you found out you were an AI bot?
Did Arthur Dream of Electric Podcasts?
This Is The Newz
Alcoholic dog who got addicted to drinks left out by owner now sober
Walmart removes offensive shirt with hidden curse after complaints
Ashley breaks the fourth wall in Resident Evil 4 Remake if you try to upskirt her
18,000 cows killed in explosion, fire at Texas dairy farm may be largest cattle killing ever
Re-enactment Newz: Brian is the newscaster in the helicopter. Gemini is the SUV driver. Burrito is the hippo.
One of Pablo Escobar’s ‘cocaine hippos’ dies after being hit by an SUV in Colombia
Washington Apple store robbed of $500,000 in iPhones after thieves tunnel through coffee shop wall
Fabricio/Fabrizio
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Fights break out at Japanese fight festival
Man arrested for trying to kill a convenience store owner over a cup of coffee
Japanese prefecture replaces Ibaraki as Least Attractive Prefecture in annual ranking
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added September 23rd, 2023
Episode 296: IDDQD
X-Men intimacy, John Stamos gets crowned, a Friends smashup, eat a McGlizzy, where to find grapefruit gelatin, mustaches, Batgirl, what pandemic?, the Blue October Girl archetype, losing 30 lb eating McDonald’s, Luby’s Hamber Alert, a teenager pretends to be a physician’s assistant to access a hospital, mammoth meatballs, knockoff designer brands, a hacker returns $200M, naked man drives school bus, a gang member with Down syndrome, all you can eat ice cream and frozen food, an English-speaking-only bar in Japan, a woman defrauds men for 4.4M yen.
Double X Quantimino
The best X-Men with which to have sex
John Stamos
Friends Smashup
The McGlizzy
Getting grapefruit gelatin for your bae
Mustache
That canceled Batgirl movie
How We Buried A Pandemic
Blue October Girl
This Is The Newz
Man eating McDonald’s for 100 days is down nearly 30 lb so far — and now his wife is joining him
Luby’s apologizes for ham-handed promotion
Teenage imposter gains access to two Slam City South South hospitals
Meatball from long-extinct mammoth created by food firm
Customs officers seize more than $700,000 of knockoff Gucci, Chanel, other designer brands
Hacker Behind $200M Euler Attack Apologizes, Returns Millions in Ether, Dai to Protocol
Naked man driving stolen school bus with dead deer inside leads police on chase
Alleged gang member with Down syndrome indicted in separate Chicago murders
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
All you can eat ice cream and frozen food restaurant becomes a hit in Akihabara
English-speaking-only bar opens in Osaka and Tokyo, yellow cards for those who don’t follow rules
Shiga woman defrauded 4.4M yen by man asking for money to fly down from the ISS and marry her
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added September 16th, 2023
Episode 295: Charm School
The Mayor Pro Tem Boston Cream Cake story is retold. A customized aroma collection for Slam City is workshopped. Motor vehicle operators must now be able to also properly operate a bicycle. A mother’s daughter asks for $4 to pay for a classmate’s field trip fee, but Mom says no. Cassettes are limited edition collectibles now? Arthur was late to the recording session, so no Newz this episode. The Burrito Bandito brings odd news from Japan about a briefcase filled with adult toys, bears serving coffee through a hole in the wall, and a straight-bar keyboard. If your attention span takes you to 45:03, Jaymark takes you time-traveling.
Double X Quantimino
Gemini and The Burrito Bandito explain Mayor Pro Tem to Brian and the listener.
Slam City’s Aroma Collection – Barbacoa, Olympic Swimming Pool, Grundle, Clam City (Glitter + Shame), and Nostalgia Stage Two
Hypothetical Meta Analysis – To legally operate a motor vehicle, one of the requirements is that an applicant must be able to properly operate a bicycle.
Did she make the right decision? A mother declines to give her daughter $4 to pay for another classmate’s field trip fee.
When did collectible limited edition cassettes become a thing? Do I need to dig out my old Walkman? As The Burrito Bandito was swinging and missing on buying a copy of the Coheed and Cambria SSTB vinyl repress, pronoun noticed a cassette section in Equal Vision’s store.
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Bomb squad in Japan summoned to take care of an abandoned briefcase full of adult toys
Bears serve environmentally friendly coffee and treats via a hole in the wall at new Tokyo cafe
Google Japan creates the Key Bou, an insane and logical straight-bar keyboard
After Party: A brief review of Martin House Brewing Company Raspberry Mochi fruited sour + tips on meeting women
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Slam City Radio 24/7 x https://slamcity.co/scr247/
Added September 08th, 2023
Episode 294: Tabitha, Chivalry, and the Scientific Method
The scientific method, buying tickets, first movie on a date at home, $3 for cheese on a burger, chivalry was killed, teledildonics, Crispr baby, stop Rickrolling, The Big Nasty, Newz, Ninja Bear, trains, and raincoats.
Pre-game: The Scientific Method
Double X Quantimino
Buying tickets then and now
Calling All Casanovas & Don Juans, Part 2 – A Movie
A woman ghosted a date because he wouldn’t order $3 cheese for his burger
Chivalry didn’t die, it was killed
Teledildonics
You found out that you’re a Crispr baby
Stop Rickrolling
Slam City Lucha Libre – The Burrito Bandito vs The Big Nasty
This Is The Newz
Man who killed 3 people, cut heart out and cooked it pleads guilty in Oklahoma
Security guard dragged by truck while chasing person who stole 3-foot foam carrot from Clearview Mall’s Easter display
Norfolk burglar stole sex toy after break in through dog flap
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Giant “Ninja Bear” has been attacking dairy farms in Hokkaido for three years
Japanese public broadcaster issues apology for calling a train a “train”
Japan’s Raincoat Man arrested for stealing 360 women’s raincoats
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added September 02nd, 2023
Episode 293: Waco My Aeroplane, Bok Choy For Some Box Joy, Operation Opportunity Avril
Electric lawnmowers, mind control, free delivery isn’t free, Weezer gave Pikus speakers, bok choy for some box joy, HEB, Nickelback, boneless wyngz, $432K worth of crab, sister city scam, $40k worth of calculators, Raw Dawgs, corn syrup train derails, melon taste, rear train cars, flush your prayers.
Double X Quantimino
Lawnz
Choose one superpower: super strength, mind control, telekinesis, fire, ice, invisibility
Free delivery
White Van Scam in the Quantimino – Booba Gettz is spotted in Hollywood circa 1992.
“The cost of the recording session was estimated at $200, but the band didn’t have any money to cover the costs. In exchange for his services, the band gave Pikus a pair of stereo speakers which they had purchased from “a dude in a van” a few months before the session.”
Calling All Casanovas & Don Juans – bok choy for some box joy
“The cultiest cult grocer in America”
This Is The Newz
Rutgers Scientists Identify Substance That May Have Sparked Life on Earth
Man sues Buffalo Wild Wings because he says their ‘boneless wings’ are actually chicken nuggets
Man charged for impersonating Stanwood Safeway agent, stealing $432K worth of crab
City of Newark falls for Sister City scam: “Whose job was it to do a simple Google search?”
Calculators worth over $40,000 stolen in spree of New York school burglaries
‘We didn’t have any failures’: Omaha nonprofit hoping to relaunch ‘Raw Dawgs’ youth gang prevention group
A train carrying corn syrup derails in Arizona
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Tropicana’s Japanese licensee in hot juice for cartons that boast “100% Melon Taste”
“Passengers who don’t want to be groped, please use the rear train cars” announcement angers Japan
Flush your prayers down the toilet at this unique Japanese temple
After Party: Pubix and Centennial Light
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added August 22nd, 2023
Episode 292: Jaunty Papaya Orange
Burrito’s new camera, yeast, socmed feeds, tech shabbat, wife beaters, Clam City, nacho cheese, location data, size Z prosthetic breasts, Funkos, chokehold, Genshin Impact, zombie virus, fake Jordan cards, and Burrito’s Nippon Newz.
Double X Quantimino
Hypothetical Meta Analysis – Burrito is asked to do a tasteful nude photoshoot with his new camera.
“I love you too much to argue.”
Yeast from there to make bread and beer
Slam Citizens’ life pro tips on curating your feedz
A “tech shabbat” – Is Arthur already doing this and can you?
“What’d You Say, Delilah?” by Haynes Wife Beaterz
Clam City, OnlyClamz
Nacho cheese
Location data
This Is The Newz
Canadian teacher with size-Z prosthetic breasts, placed on paid leave
Over $30M worth of Funkos are being dumped
Norwalk math teacher accused of using chokehold on students resigns, official says
Genshin Impact Voice Actor Asks Fans To Bathe Before Attending Concert
Scientists have revived a ‘zombie’ virus that spent 48,500 years frozen in permafrost
82-year-old charged with sale of fake Michael Jordan cards
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Tokyo gang breaks no-weapons rule, shows up for fight with rivals carrying spiked bat
Unlicensed drunk driver involved in hit-and-run, makes pathetic attempt to avoid police
Japanese hotel gives you a beer tap in your room, 10 liters of craft beer to drink for free
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Tentative titles: “In Queso Emergency”, “Lace Your Uncle”, “What Did You Say, Delilah?”
Added August 13th, 2023
Episode 291: King Nerd Pudding Hounds with Hubris
A $17 cookie, blink-182’s Apple Shampoo lyrics, Liver Guy, bull semen, magazine covers, feeding a family on a $3k/week salary, Roget’s Thesaurus, dental hygienists, blackout rage gallons, free lunches, Walmart versus Target, Never Have I Ever, accidental incest, a 2,000-year-old sex toy, a 1998 Ford Escort, missing biscuits, a kissing device, a giant squid statue, spreadable coffee, and more odd news stories.
Double X Quantimino
A $17 Chocolate Chip Cookie
Dude Ranch, Apple Shampoo, Dance Hall Crashers
Liver Guy Follow-up Story
Bull semen – She tells you to take a shot right before coitus.
Your fake magazine cover
Plug In & Hate – A mother of two explains how she feeds her toddlers with her $3k/week salary.
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
“What does that make you?”
Borgs – blackout rage gallons
Arthur the Freegan
Walmart
Never Have I Ever – Retro Edition
This Is The Newz
Australia worried ‘prolific’ sperm donors could lead to ‘accidental incest’
This Well-Worn Wooden Object Was Unearthed In A Roman Fort — And Scientists Believe It’s A 2,000-Year-Old Sex Toy
Man wins $10K lottery prize, but state instead claims he owes them money
Woman goes viral for buying a 1998 Ford Escort for $289 a month for the next 84 months
Georgia woman crashes SUV into Popeyes after her order was missing biscuits
‘They missed a whole bomb in my bag,’ woman says at FLL, landing her in jail
Spirit Airlines flight makes emergency landing after battery fire
An airline provided a single banana as the in-flight ‘meal’ for one vegan passenger
This Chinese kissing device lets you smooch over the internet
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Japanese town that spent 25 million yen in COVID money on giant squid statue says it paid off big
Japanese monkey-hunting team shoots woman with tranquilizer dart
Spreadable coffee to put on your toast going on sale in Japan
After Party – Dental hygienists can tell.
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added August 02nd, 2023
Episode 290: Custard (feat. Jeremiah Ukponrefe)
Author and comedian Jeremiah Ukponrefe visits Slam City.
Double X Quantimino
In this context, what’s your definition of “anything”?: “I’ve been charged with 13 felonies in my life and only convicted of 5. So in my mind, I can get away with anything.”
Arthur the Arbiter – Himalayan pink salt
Taking surveys
Metroid Prime
Always Flexfoam
Guestimation Unknown – Filling an Olympic swimming pool
One song that you can listen to again for the first time
Phubbing
This Is The Newz
Michigan teacher plants bomb threat note to get day off, police say
Pizza delivery gives squirrel opportunity to invade Louisiana house
Scientists Will Pay You Over $4,000 to Chug a Diarrhea Drink
Drug-free relief from chronic constipation may come from a new vibrating pill
‘Groundbreaking’ male contraceptive pill ‘disables’ sperm and works in minutes
Toxic fumes escape after truck overturns in Tucson, Arizona
Bloomington man reportedly set own car on fire to stop people from stealing from it
Cape Coral man cracks a beer open during traffic stop
Man caught in stolen car while driving back to crime scene
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Sushi chef drops knives on the train, causes panic and delays
Tiny travel guides are our latest Japanese gacha capsule toy obsession
Burger King Japan guarantees new chicken sandwich is bigger than your phone with weird promotion
Jeremiah Ukponrefe is the author of Hive, a dystopian sci-fi novel.
Get a free preview of Hive at jeremiahu.com.
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added July 24th, 2023
Episode 289: Cute Guys Don’t Tip Open Source Monsters Fighting Nazis
The Burrito Bandito goes deep about DCU, hypothetically your mom on OnlyFans, how many times you can wear clothes without washing, hit and run, micro-stress, Frito pies, Newz, BNN, and the Take Notes after party.
Double X Quantimino
DC characters that The Burrito Bandito really wants to see in the DCU
Hypothetical Meta Analysis: Your mom on OnlyFans
How many times can you wear pajamas, jeans, and other clothes without washing them?
Hit and Run
Micro-stress
Are Fritos the last bag of chips?
This Is The Newz
Half a billion dollars worth of cocaine found adrift in Pacific Ocean
Altoona home invader kidnapped man, claimed ‘I’m Batman.’
Stowaway frog triggers alarm during screening at Pennsylvania airport
Couple returns home from trip to find pair impersonated them, sold house
11-year-old boy charged with sharing marijuana edibles at Georgia school
Hooters waitress shares ‘adjustment trick’ to get more money from ‘cute guys’
Hughson Church demands answers after sewage water, cement mistakenly pumped into the property
Bolivar’s new roadside attraction? Glass shop houses 11-foot, 150-pound functioning bong
Crews working to clean up bottles of Jack Daniel’s after tractor-trailer crash
Zookeepers Say They’ve Solved the Mystery of How a Gibbon Got Pregnant by Herself
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Japanese scientists succeed at causing depression in monkeys using magnetic stimulation
Rice Pizza?! Pizza Hut creates a new base for customers in Japan
Train driver’s locked tablet with forgotten password leads to big delay on Fukushima line
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added July 10th, 2023
Episode 288: Waxing Gibbons
Lasagna hogs, tuna, MeToo’d, tipping robots, a re-enactment at a gas station, Kadabra, LVTOFU, woodcocks, condom-wrapped banana extraction, $295K for a testicle, quolls, $1.5M in stolen chicken wings, fast food Newz, a wearable beanbag, real-time shade info, Ice Whopper, and Yakuza-theme love hotel rooms.
Double X Quantimino
Palindromes follow-up: “go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog”
Tuna salad vs tuna sushi
Hypothetical Meta Analysis – Slam City Gets MeToo’d
The easiest answer to a not-so-deep dive – Should you tip a robot? But the real matter here: Service charges!?
Re-enactment – Gas station staff left horrified after finding severed human penis in car park
This Is The Newz
Kadabra Will Finally Return To Pokémon Card Game After 18-Year Ban
Texas DMV rejects vegan license plate for ‘vulgar’ phrase
Bird charity locked out of Twitter after woodcock tweets
Surgeons extract condom-wrapped banana man ate in ‘hormonal rage’ fit
Man who lost testicle from getting hit by supervisor awarded more than $295,000
Sex and no sleep may be killing endangered quolls
Vera Liddell allegedly stole $1.5M in chicken wings from Illinois schools
Salty strike: Arby’s employees quit after posting vulgar message on restaurant sign
A Chick-fil-A restaurant’s traffic got so bad that city officials ordered it to be demolished and plan to build a new drive-thru-only location
Burger King’s Latest International Menu Item Does Not Sound Very Appetizing…Or Does It
Wearable Beanbag becomes a hot topic in Japan
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Real-time shade information added to walking app from Navitime Japan
World’s first Ice Whopper on the menu at Burger King Japan
Yakuza-themed love hotel rooms! Great for couples, friends, and business meetings, owners say
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added June 29th, 2023