Episode 294: Tabitha, Chivalry, and the Scientific Method
The scientific method, buying tickets, first movie on a date at home, $3 for cheese on a burger, chivalry was killed, teledildonics, Crispr baby, stop Rickrolling, The Big Nasty, Newz, Ninja Bear, trains, and raincoats.
Pre-game: The Scientific Method
Double X Quantimino
Buying tickets then and now
Calling All Casanovas & Don Juans, Part 2 – A Movie
A woman ghosted a date because he wouldn’t order $3 cheese for his burger
Chivalry didn’t die, it was killed
Teledildonics
You found out that you’re a Crispr baby
Stop Rickrolling
Slam City Lucha Libre – The Burrito Bandito vs The Big Nasty
This Is The Newz
Man who killed 3 people, cut heart out and cooked it pleads guilty in Oklahoma
Security guard dragged by truck while chasing person who stole 3-foot foam carrot from Clearview Mall’s Easter display
Norfolk burglar stole sex toy after break in through dog flap
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Giant “Ninja Bear” has been attacking dairy farms in Hokkaido for three years
Japanese public broadcaster issues apology for calling a train a “train”
Japan’s Raincoat Man arrested for stealing 360 women’s raincoats
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added September 02nd, 2023
Episode 293: Waco My Aeroplane, Bok Choy For Some Box Joy, Operation Opportunity Avril
Electric lawnmowers, mind control, free delivery isn’t free, Weezer gave Pikus speakers, bok choy for some box joy, HEB, Nickelback, boneless wyngz, $432K worth of crab, sister city scam, $40k worth of calculators, Raw Dawgs, corn syrup train derails, melon taste, rear train cars, flush your prayers.
Double X Quantimino
Lawnz
Choose one superpower: super strength, mind control, telekinesis, fire, ice, invisibility
Free delivery
White Van Scam in the Quantimino – Booba Gettz is spotted in Hollywood circa 1992.
“The cost of the recording session was estimated at $200, but the band didn’t have any money to cover the costs. In exchange for his services, the band gave Pikus a pair of stereo speakers which they had purchased from “a dude in a van” a few months before the session.”
Calling All Casanovas & Don Juans – bok choy for some box joy
“The cultiest cult grocer in America”
This Is The Newz
Rutgers Scientists Identify Substance That May Have Sparked Life on Earth
Man sues Buffalo Wild Wings because he says their ‘boneless wings’ are actually chicken nuggets
Man charged for impersonating Stanwood Safeway agent, stealing $432K worth of crab
City of Newark falls for Sister City scam: “Whose job was it to do a simple Google search?”
Calculators worth over $40,000 stolen in spree of New York school burglaries
‘We didn’t have any failures’: Omaha nonprofit hoping to relaunch ‘Raw Dawgs’ youth gang prevention group
A train carrying corn syrup derails in Arizona
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Tropicana’s Japanese licensee in hot juice for cartons that boast “100% Melon Taste”
“Passengers who don’t want to be groped, please use the rear train cars” announcement angers Japan
Flush your prayers down the toilet at this unique Japanese temple
After Party: Pubix and Centennial Light
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added August 22nd, 2023
Episode 292: Jaunty Papaya Orange
Burrito’s new camera, yeast, socmed feeds, tech shabbat, wife beaters, Clam City, nacho cheese, location data, size Z prosthetic breasts, Funkos, chokehold, Genshin Impact, zombie virus, fake Jordan cards, and Burrito’s Nippon Newz.
Double X Quantimino
Hypothetical Meta Analysis – Burrito is asked to do a tasteful nude photoshoot with his new camera.
“I love you too much to argue.”
Yeast from there to make bread and beer
Slam Citizens’ life pro tips on curating your feedz
A “tech shabbat” – Is Arthur already doing this and can you?
“What’d You Say, Delilah?” by Haynes Wife Beaterz
Clam City, OnlyClamz
Nacho cheese
Location data
This Is The Newz
Canadian teacher with size-Z prosthetic breasts, placed on paid leave
Over $30M worth of Funkos are being dumped
Norwalk math teacher accused of using chokehold on students resigns, official says
Genshin Impact Voice Actor Asks Fans To Bathe Before Attending Concert
Scientists have revived a ‘zombie’ virus that spent 48,500 years frozen in permafrost
82-year-old charged with sale of fake Michael Jordan cards
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Tokyo gang breaks no-weapons rule, shows up for fight with rivals carrying spiked bat
Unlicensed drunk driver involved in hit-and-run, makes pathetic attempt to avoid police
Japanese hotel gives you a beer tap in your room, 10 liters of craft beer to drink for free
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Tentative titles: “In Queso Emergency”, “Lace Your Uncle”, “What Did You Say, Delilah?”
Added August 13th, 2023
Episode 291: King Nerd Pudding Hounds with Hubris
A $17 cookie, blink-182’s Apple Shampoo lyrics, Liver Guy, bull semen, magazine covers, feeding a family on a $3k/week salary, Roget’s Thesaurus, dental hygienists, blackout rage gallons, free lunches, Walmart versus Target, Never Have I Ever, accidental incest, a 2,000-year-old sex toy, a 1998 Ford Escort, missing biscuits, a kissing device, a giant squid statue, spreadable coffee, and more odd news stories.
Double X Quantimino
A $17 Chocolate Chip Cookie
Dude Ranch, Apple Shampoo, Dance Hall Crashers
Liver Guy Follow-up Story
Bull semen – She tells you to take a shot right before coitus.
Your fake magazine cover
Plug In & Hate – A mother of two explains how she feeds her toddlers with her $3k/week salary.
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
“What does that make you?”
Borgs – blackout rage gallons
Arthur the Freegan
Walmart
Never Have I Ever – Retro Edition
This Is The Newz
Australia worried ‘prolific’ sperm donors could lead to ‘accidental incest’
This Well-Worn Wooden Object Was Unearthed In A Roman Fort — And Scientists Believe It’s A 2,000-Year-Old Sex Toy
Man wins $10K lottery prize, but state instead claims he owes them money
Woman goes viral for buying a 1998 Ford Escort for $289 a month for the next 84 months
Georgia woman crashes SUV into Popeyes after her order was missing biscuits
‘They missed a whole bomb in my bag,’ woman says at FLL, landing her in jail
Spirit Airlines flight makes emergency landing after battery fire
An airline provided a single banana as the in-flight ‘meal’ for one vegan passenger
This Chinese kissing device lets you smooch over the internet
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Japanese town that spent 25 million yen in COVID money on giant squid statue says it paid off big
Japanese monkey-hunting team shoots woman with tranquilizer dart
Spreadable coffee to put on your toast going on sale in Japan
After Party – Dental hygienists can tell.
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added August 02nd, 2023
Episode 290: Custard (feat. Jeremiah Ukponrefe)
Author and comedian Jeremiah Ukponrefe visits Slam City.
Double X Quantimino
In this context, what’s your definition of “anything”?: “I’ve been charged with 13 felonies in my life and only convicted of 5. So in my mind, I can get away with anything.”
Arthur the Arbiter – Himalayan pink salt
Taking surveys
Metroid Prime
Always Flexfoam
Guestimation Unknown – Filling an Olympic swimming pool
One song that you can listen to again for the first time
Phubbing
This Is The Newz
Michigan teacher plants bomb threat note to get day off, police say
Pizza delivery gives squirrel opportunity to invade Louisiana house
Scientists Will Pay You Over $4,000 to Chug a Diarrhea Drink
Drug-free relief from chronic constipation may come from a new vibrating pill
‘Groundbreaking’ male contraceptive pill ‘disables’ sperm and works in minutes
Toxic fumes escape after truck overturns in Tucson, Arizona
Bloomington man reportedly set own car on fire to stop people from stealing from it
Cape Coral man cracks a beer open during traffic stop
Man caught in stolen car while driving back to crime scene
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Sushi chef drops knives on the train, causes panic and delays
Tiny travel guides are our latest Japanese gacha capsule toy obsession
Burger King Japan guarantees new chicken sandwich is bigger than your phone with weird promotion
Jeremiah Ukponrefe is the author of Hive, a dystopian sci-fi novel.
Get a free preview of Hive at jeremiahu.com.
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added July 24th, 2023
Episode 289: Cute Guys Don’t Tip Open Source Monsters Fighting Nazis
The Burrito Bandito goes deep about DCU, hypothetically your mom on OnlyFans, how many times you can wear clothes without washing, hit and run, micro-stress, Frito pies, Newz, BNN, and the Take Notes after party.
Double X Quantimino
DC characters that The Burrito Bandito really wants to see in the DCU
Hypothetical Meta Analysis: Your mom on OnlyFans
How many times can you wear pajamas, jeans, and other clothes without washing them?
Hit and Run
Micro-stress
Are Fritos the last bag of chips?
This Is The Newz
Half a billion dollars worth of cocaine found adrift in Pacific Ocean
Altoona home invader kidnapped man, claimed ‘I’m Batman.’
Stowaway frog triggers alarm during screening at Pennsylvania airport
Couple returns home from trip to find pair impersonated them, sold house
11-year-old boy charged with sharing marijuana edibles at Georgia school
Hooters waitress shares ‘adjustment trick’ to get more money from ‘cute guys’
Hughson Church demands answers after sewage water, cement mistakenly pumped into the property
Bolivar’s new roadside attraction? Glass shop houses 11-foot, 150-pound functioning bong
Crews working to clean up bottles of Jack Daniel’s after tractor-trailer crash
Zookeepers Say They’ve Solved the Mystery of How a Gibbon Got Pregnant by Herself
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Japanese scientists succeed at causing depression in monkeys using magnetic stimulation
Rice Pizza?! Pizza Hut creates a new base for customers in Japan
Train driver’s locked tablet with forgotten password leads to big delay on Fukushima line
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added July 10th, 2023
Episode 288: Waxing Gibbons
Lasagna hogs, tuna, MeToo’d, tipping robots, a re-enactment at a gas station, Kadabra, LVTOFU, woodcocks, condom-wrapped banana extraction, $295K for a testicle, quolls, $1.5M in stolen chicken wings, fast food Newz, a wearable beanbag, real-time shade info, Ice Whopper, and Yakuza-theme love hotel rooms.
Double X Quantimino
Palindromes follow-up: “go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog”
Tuna salad vs tuna sushi
Hypothetical Meta Analysis – Slam City Gets MeToo’d
The easiest answer to a not-so-deep dive – Should you tip a robot? But the real matter here: Service charges!?
Re-enactment – Gas station staff left horrified after finding severed human penis in car park
This Is The Newz
Kadabra Will Finally Return To Pokémon Card Game After 18-Year Ban
Texas DMV rejects vegan license plate for ‘vulgar’ phrase
Bird charity locked out of Twitter after woodcock tweets
Surgeons extract condom-wrapped banana man ate in ‘hormonal rage’ fit
Man who lost testicle from getting hit by supervisor awarded more than $295,000
Sex and no sleep may be killing endangered quolls
Vera Liddell allegedly stole $1.5M in chicken wings from Illinois schools
Salty strike: Arby’s employees quit after posting vulgar message on restaurant sign
A Chick-fil-A restaurant’s traffic got so bad that city officials ordered it to be demolished and plan to build a new drive-thru-only location
Burger King’s Latest International Menu Item Does Not Sound Very Appetizing…Or Does It
Wearable Beanbag becomes a hot topic in Japan
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Real-time shade information added to walking app from Navitime Japan
World’s first Ice Whopper on the menu at Burger King Japan
Yakuza-themed love hotel rooms! Great for couples, friends, and business meetings, owners say
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added June 29th, 2023
Episode 287: Infinity Monkeys
Experiencing music, ChatGPT, an infinite amount of monkeys, Spectrum, time machine, okay, bathing with bottled water, butt bumping on Wheel, Pokemon Yellow, a hot triple amputee model, Amouranth, toilet-shaped plants, Viagra, skipping commercials, the world’s greatest stereo system, stolen Rolex, BNN follow-up, Starbucks creampie
Double X Quantimino
Best experience: listening to the album, listening to a live recording, or attending a live performance?
ChatGPT
Art the Arbiter – Arthur prefers to not have to wipe his ass with cold hard cash. Charter Communications (Spectrum) are crooks.
Time travel never gets old. 🐱 Time Machine
Minutiae Moment – O.K., okay?
Gemini Jackson Does The Math
Pat Sajak’s Epic Reaction After a ‘Wheel of Fortune’ Contestant “Twerked” on Him
This Is The Newz
An original, sealed copy of Pokemon Yellow worth almost $10,500 has reportedly been ruined by US customs
I’m a triple amputee and a hot model — nothing holds me back
The Surprising Reason Twitch Star Amouranth Hasn’t Ditched NSFW Content (Yet)
These Toilet-Shaped Carnivorous Plants Thrive By Eating Poop
Viagra users are 25% less likely to suffer early death
Sony patent would have you yell at your TV to skip commercials
The world’s greatest stereo system is inside a Virginia home
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Saitama man’s 7M-yen Rolex stolen after leaving it alone with “potential buyer” for two minutes
Man who took entire town’s COVID-19 money now out of jail and turning life around
Starbucks Japan’s new cream pie’s looks are freaking people out
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added June 21st, 2023
Episode 286: Rabbit Season
Midnight snacks, palindromes, 27 years at Burger King, Get 1 Free deals, 400 pushups, pay yourself first, Papa Johns, Evo Moment #37, Corn Flakes, ramen’s history, Newz, BNN, and maybe more than most podcast listeners can handle.
Double X Quantimino
Midnight snacks
Palindromes
Working at Burger King for 27 years with perfect attendance
Buy 3, Get 1 Free
400 pushups for punishment
Bad money habits – pay yourself first with at least 10% into savings?
Was the apostrophe so wet that it fell off!?
Evo Moment #37
Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were created as an ‘anti-masturbatory morning meal’?
Reloading a location-specific payment card
Arthur’s revised thoughts on ramen
This Is The Newz
Recent rains cause Whiskeytown Lake to spill into the Glory Hole
Man accused of shooting other man after oral sex meetup in Florida City
Billionaire Larry Ellison got a speeding ticket on an island he owns while driving a Corvette and told the cop there’s ‘no excuse’
FEMA fires group for nonsensical Alaska Native translations
Amazon delivery driver’s fingertip is left in letterbox after accident
Man arrested for having sex with cow, sent to psychiatrist
“Boy Meets World’s” William Daniels Was In An “Open Marriage” With His Wife Before One Of His Affairs “Devastated” Her
Southbound I-71 reopens after beer truck overturns
Girl, 13, leads Nebraska troopers on 100 mph chase with boy, 11, in the passenger seat
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
69-year-old Tokyo man arrested for driving without a license for over 50 years
Monkeys have attacked more than 60 people in three weeks in one Japanese town
Krispy Kreme releases tit doughnuts in Japan
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added June 12th, 2023
Episode 285: The Pursuit of Greasiness
Clams, Clam Aiken, lines, tipping, Deftones, flood, Godzilla, cheddar cheese, Napoleon Bonaparte, used sweaters, haggling at Goodwill, dumb phones, the purple dot, cheesy pizza, Spider-Man #14 Angry Girlfriend Variant, Hello Fresh, pigeons with backpacks, jzz cupcakes, Asahi Beer image girls, Booty Royale, and more odd news stories.
Double X Quantimino
Let me tell you about this clam
A question about tipping
How willing would you be to wear a sweater that had previously been worn by a man who’d been “tainted” in some way: infected with tuberculosis, survived a car accident (misfortune taint), or convicted of murder (moral taint)?
Hypothetical Meta Analysis – Ride or Die?, Part 1: Sergio Vega Deftones contract
Ride or Die?, Part 2: A flood will destroy your living space soon and you need to evacuate. You only have time to take what you can carry on yourself. What are you taking?
Guestimation Unknown, Part 1: When Napoleon Bonaparte died, apparently his doctor cut off his penis for the autopsy. In 1977, the penis was eventually sold for how much?
Guestimation Unknown, Part 2: How many pounds of cheddar cheese did the US produce in 2014?
How willing would you be to wear a sweater that had previously been worn by a man who’d been “tainted” in some way: infected with tuberculosis, survived a car accident (misfortune taint), or convicted of murder (moral taint)?
Considering the Light Phone II
Boobs vs Butts
Romeo and Juliet (1968 film)
The Amazing Spider-Man #14 Angry Girlfriend Variant
This Is The Newz
Delivery driver left box full of Hello Fresh food on top of sleeping baby
Pigeon wearing crystal meth ‘like a backpack’ caught inside B.C. prison yard
Six journalists arrested over footage of South Sudan president wetting himself
Louisiana deputy sentenced to 100 years in prison for ejaculating on cupcakes, other crimes
Indian Held for Unruly Behavior With Woman on Airline Flight
Woman with unfortunate initials fed up of being mistaken for a sandwich
Burrito’s Nippon Newz
Asahi Beer abolishes “image girl” spokesmodel position, ending practice at big four brewers
Survey finds obesity rates fell, but eyesight worsened among Japanese schoolchildren
No longer able to draw breasts due to family circumstances, manga artist retires
Deepfake Sponsors: Julio Tejas, Booba Gettz The Crazy One, Thicccum Farmz
Added June 05th, 2023